Posted on 2004.01.11 at 09:50
The dreams have been bothering me again. Asuka keeps telling me to not worry about them, it's probably just something from my accident a while back. I'm trying to trust her, but I don't think she understands what I'm dreaming about. I can't find it in my heart to actually tell her about it. She'd probably think I was going insane if she knew I was dreaming of killing people and actually.. enjoying it at times.
Maybe I'm just stressed out. Work has been pushing me hard at the moment as we have a client who's been very impatient with us as of late. The past few days have been wonderful in helping me relax though. Asuka's made sure to see to my needs and she made a delicious traditional meal last night. With both of us working, and her hours at the hospital so varied, it's often hard to get time together where neither of us are working. This weekend certainly has been a treat, and I'm afraid we probably won't be able to enjoy another like this for a while.
But those dreams are still bothering me. I wish I knew what to make of them, and I'm trying to believe my wife when she tells me it's probably just a reaction from the head trauma I suffered.
And I still don't even know why I had gotten so hurt in the first place. The doctors don't know, and neither does Asuka. And if they do know, then they're refusing to share the information with me. They just keep telling me to not dwell on whatever past I had and to work on creating a new life, a new world.
I can't help but feel that I'm missing something very important though. I wish I knew who I was before... Wish I remembered the life beyond what I have now.
I don't know. I think I'm just being overly paranoid that they're hiding something from me. I suppose time will tell, ne?
I've got to get moving though. Asuka wants me to do something with that katana. She wishes I would get rid of it, but I refuse. It's obviously been well-taken care of, though it disturbs me to know that someone had used such a fine weapon for more than just display. It's hanging above our bed at the moment, and I think I shall move it to the den where it won't bother her quite so much. It's important. I don't know how I know that... but it is, and I'll continue to take care of it.
Posted on 2004.01.07 at 22:50
Ah, I've been putting this off waaaay too long.
This rp is dead. I'm sad to see that it went and I clung to it for as long as I possibly could. It's sad that an RP like this one died when it had possibility. It's even sadder than some of us don't talk to one another like we used to. Sad, but I'm not sorry for this. Things change, people change, and sometimes, you can't stop it.
This journal has been pegged for another RP which will be starting shortly. Please remove this from the other Tauschung RP journals as a new game will be starting here. Most parts are already filled.
If you care to follow the new RP that's being developed, please look to weiss_rebirth
. It's set post-Gluhen and looks to be interesting, especially if you've had the chance to see all of Gluhen. ^_^
And I will miss this RP [most of it] and the people involved. I'm still on AIM. I do like talking, though I'm not always talkative. NekoYotan and no one in this RP was blocked from that name.
It was good while it lasted.
Posted on 2003.11.06 at 08:58
Current Mood: pissed off
You have until the count of 10 to get that scrawny lil ass of yours out of the house before I KILL you for whateverthefuckyouputinmyshampoo... Omi, Ken, and Aya know better. The culprit is you and I am NONE too pleased.
Heads will roll.
As soon as I'm back to blonde. >_____>
Posted on 2003.11.01 at 20:06
|My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul|
|kudou_yohji goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a detective.|
|abyssinian_rose gives you 11 light blue vanilla-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.|
|beautiful_neko gives you 14 red raspberry-flavoured miniature candy bars.|
|birman_kitty gives you 14 brown grape-flavoured gummy worms.|
|knife_licker gives you 12 red-orange peach-flavoured gummy bats.|
|orakuru_chou gives you 11 white raspberry-flavoured miniature candy bars.|
|schuggy tricks you! You get a broken toy car.|
|schwarz_prodigy tricks you! You lose 50 pieces of candy!|
|kudou_yohji ends up with 12 pieces of candy, and a broken toy car.|
|Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.|
~goes to latch to Aya~ Hmph.
Posted on 2003.10.22 at 01:13
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Leon Russell - Tight Rope
Things have... quieted down. I'm still staying with Birman, mostly out of comfort. It's.. like a second home to me and I'm loathe to leave it. I hope that I haven't overstayed my welcome. ~winks~
I had a chance to talk with Aya a while back. I... didn't realise how much I missed him until I saw him. I guess it's one of those you never know how much it means to you until it's gone, ne? I'm just glad he's not really gone. Though I've been staying nights here with Birman, I've been spending most of my days at the Koneko. I think I've put in more work in the last three weeks than I have in the past year. Surprise! I actually enjoy arranging flowers! ~laughs~
It's.. good to have Ken back. Though it doesn't feel as though he's completely back. Things.. have changed. He won't tell us what happened while he was gone, and most of me really doesn't want to know. I don't know if I could handle learning that something happened.. and that someone I consider a dear friend was the cause of it. ~sigh~ It'll take time... but things'll be back to normal eventually, right?
I.. haven't had any contact with that guy... Just.. dreams. Odd dreams. Vivid, I think... at least it seems so when I'm dreaming, but I can't remember much else. It's as if they hover just at the edge of my perception and then disappear when I focus on them. Frustrating as all hell. ~shakes head~ But it's a clue as to what's going on... I think. Still no visions though. I'm not sure whether to be worried or relieved over that yet. Worried because talents just don't disappear.. but relieved because I feel almost normal again. Of course, I can never be completely normal. Look at the world I live in.
Sorry for having ignored this for so long. I suppose I didn't have as much of a need for it when there isn't as much going on. I've got someone to hold and be held by at night, a wonderful man that I love.. a wonderful woman that I don't know what I would do without... and friends. They're all safe, they're all whole... I'd bore you if I posted daily about arranging flowers or what Omi got on his history test. ~laughs~
Maybe things are calming down.
We could all use these moments of peace.
I'm off to bed. I think I woke Birman up with my clacking on the keyboard. Gomen nasai, dear. I won't stay up this late typing again...
Posted on 2003.10.01 at 21:27
Current Mood: infuriated
I know who it is that's doing all of this... I.. I talked to him last night... ~shakes his head~ It's all a game to him, a game with one goal in mind and he'll do anything to arrive at that goal.
He won't let me tell anyone who he is though... He did something.. everytime I try and remember who it was, I draw a blank, but I can still see his profile in the corner of my mind.
The game's only begun... he has other things he wants to do, just for fun. And all of it is pain... He told me what he wanted to do, described in detail his plans... But it's all a blank now..
Stupid fucking headache.
Posted on 2003.09.28 at 01:11
Current Mood: exhausted
I really don't even know where to begin at the moment.
I ended up spending a couple nights with this guy... He gave me a place to crash and that was it. I was quite content to just wallow in my sorrow when Birman shows up... ~sighs~ We talked... and then I went home with her, which is where I still am. It's all rather foggy now. I really don't remember all that's happened.
I had a headache for a couple days... Enough to where I could barely get out of bed.. It finally cleared up the other day, thankfully. It's nice to be able to be awake and not have it feel as though a jackhammer is pounding into your skull.
But.. what I really wanted to write about.. was Birman.
Last night, I heard her whimpering in her sleep. She kept muttering.. my name, coupled with pleas of 'no' over and over again. It took me a long time to wake her up.. and she's usually quite a light sleeper. When she did finally wake up, she seemed surprised to see me alive. And she just clinged to me...
I'm.. confused. She won't talk much more about the dream.. She said that the guy that I had met killed me... She was so scared when she was telling me... Birman doesn't get like that often, so when it happens.. it's disconcerting.
Something's happening. And I wish I had some feeling as to what it was... ~sighs and rubs temples~ Another headache.. but I know the cause of this one..
I want to see you... I miss you...
Ken... Schu said he let you go. Where are you?
Posted on 2003.09.19 at 10:48
Current Mood: hungover
Current Music: Akuma no Toriru 17 - Yami no Matsuei
I'd like to apologise for running off last night, but I won't. Because I'm not sorry.
Went out drinking last night and ended up getting picked up. No, not by the police.. by a guy. I think it was that entire 'sitting at the bar looking as though i just killed my best friend' look that got him. Y'know the type of people that just love to pick up stray kitties.
I was.. hardly coherent at the time, according to him, so he took me home. Mainly because the bartender refused to let me drink anymore. Again. I don't remember this. I woke up this morning in an unfamiliar bed with a very unfamiliar face watching me from a chair nearby.
Heh. Englishmen are nice.
I'm camping out here for a while.. until I feel ready to face everyone again.
Gomen nasai, minna-san. I'm at my breaking point. I can't handle this anymore... I'll be back, when I can.
Posted on 2003.09.17 at 23:49
Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: Garasu no Kanbase
Aya.. I'm sorry, okay?
He'll be outta here tomorrow night.
Schu, you hear that? You and Nagi -gotta- talk now. I gave you the chance I could.. but... I'm not going to deal with a pissy kitten because of you. You're my friend... but I love Aya.
So no need for everyone to get all.. pissy.
I'm tired of this, I'm serious.
Nagi needs to go HOME. No offense to Nagi.. or Omi. But he is not Weiß. He is still Schwarz. And the only way we're getting the rest of Weiß back is if Nagi goes home. Again, no offense Nagi, but I want Ken back. He's my teammate, and you aren't. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm tired of this. I want my team back to normal, and I'm tired of the shit that's been going on.
Dammit, Ken. I miss you.
Oh, and Aya... how long as this bet been going? I don't think there's been a winner yet, ne?
Yeah. Doubt you're in the mood for a bet anymore.
Seems like Kudou Yohji's on no ones' good side.
Maybe there is no Weiß...
Posted on 2003.09.17 at 08:39
I doubt anyone's completely happy with me at the moment for bringing Schuldich here. But dammit, Nagi, you need to let him talk to you. Okay? ~sighs and slumps~
I need another vacation. Or something. I feel about ready to bash my head in at times... that or find a nice little roof and just let myself fall.
Gotta love it, ne?
In other news... Birman, you may want to take note of this... I have not had a vision in nearly a month. Nothing, not even those little flashes that I'd get once in a while. I feel.. utterly normal. No headaches... You know what's up?