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I just don't know what to think...

Posted on 2003.08.14 at 10:50
Current Mood: worriedworried
I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days... more than I usually do, which is probably not a good thing. ~faint smile~

More often than not, my thoughts run back to Ken and what's happened there, and it's slightly depressing.

I don't think I can fully forgive myself for what I did to him... How I treated him. I certainly wouldn't forgive anyone who treated me with the rudeness that I gave Ken. But like they say, hind-sight is 20/20.

Ken came to me when Aya and I first started being together. It was fun... dangerous... and a bit of a thrill. You know me, I love fun in all its forms. So a quick roll between the sheets was fine, and would have been fine if we didn't have that nasty little thing called emotions. He started falling for me, and a part of me fell for him. But he still wasn't Aya, and there was no way I would leave him for Ken. So our little threesome started, even though I knew Aya wasn't happy with it most of the time. Him and Ken just... don't fit together that way. It was bound to fail eventually... I just wish it wouldn't have with such consequences.

I worry about what's happened to Ken... and I wish I would have some sort of vision or something that would give me a clue as to where he is. ~frowns~

Dammit Ken. Get your ass home!

Posted on 2003.08.11 at 09:26
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Ah.. Well Aya and I are finally home.. Have been for a while, actually, but I just haven't felt the need to post.

Still no news on Ken...

Have spent one too many nights at the bars drinking myself into oblivion.

Sure, I don't love the guy and he was pissin' me off before Aya and I left, but he's still my teammate... and still a friend. Dammit. Weiss just isn't Weiss without him!

Meh.. I gotta go open the shop.



Small update...

Posted on 2003.07.30 at 10:18
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Open up your mind - Mirai
Yes, Aya and I are still on vacation. ~smirks~

Sorry Omi... Nagi... Birman. But we need and deserve this after everything that's happened.

I found an internet café to update from since we didn't bring a computer with us. Aya's still back at the hotel, sleeping. Surprisingly, he will sleep in if given the chance. (Or if you're up til all hours of the morning and he's too tired to wake up at the crack of dawn ^_~ )

The main reason I'm writing is to check on one thing....

I had a vision while I was here... a particularly powerful one... that Ken was going to disappear.

Can someone please let me know what's going on?


Gotta go. Time's up on the computer here. Sorry.

We'll be back in a couple of weeks... Promise.




Posted on 2003.07.11 at 09:55
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Slim - Weiß Kreuz
[[I'm taking a possibly permanent break from the Weiß Tauschung RP. The journal isn't being deleted or anything like that. I've decided that I'm the source of friction in this RP. The rest of you seem to get along fine and can put aside ooc feelings and just play. I'm not able to do that, I've found... I guess I'm not as good of an RPer as I thought I was. But that's okay.

I'm sorry for my over-reaction last night. It was, as one person put it, a knee-jerk reaction. I regret it. But I think it might be a bit late for apologies.

I'm still open for one-on-one RP if you so desire, but I won't seek it any longer. I'm going to stick to my writing, I think.


Have fun, because I know you all can.


Posted on 2003.07.10 at 20:34
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Miss Independent
 Conscious self
Overall self
Take Free Enneagram Test

How true in so many ways.... ~smirks~

I'm feeling... good. Surprisingly. I've done what I told Aya and others I would and have stayed off my leg. Surprising what it does to help it heal! ~smirks~ I can get up on it again without doubling over in pain, though it's still tender. I called the doctor (no way in hell I'm going on there..) and talked to someone there... they said to keep off it as much as I can and to keep it wrapped. I'm actually following their directions. I think I must be ill.

Got the go-ahead from Birman tonight to plan a small trip... Me and Aya have been talking... and we want to go away together. Just the two of us. ~small smile~ She said anything was fine as long as it wasn't loud or old... ~laughs~ I have a place in mind... Just need to see if my kitten is up to it.

And if someone thinks.. that I'm ignoring them. Well... Yeah. Maybe. I need to talk to Ken about some stuff at some point. After the trip, though. I need some time alone with my kitten.

I've got some work I want to get done in the shop tonight before going to check on Aya. Ja!


There's only so far a rubber band will stretch before it snaps...

Posted on 2003.07.07 at 22:25
Current Mood: soresore
And I snapped.. in a way.. tonight.

I'm sorry Aya... Birman... Nagi.

I'm sorry to Aya for.. being the way I was. To Birman for doing what I did... and to Nagi for having to see all of it.

Yeah.. I know I can be a stubborn ass... most of the time, I'm this way, actually. ~sighs softly~ But none of you deserved to witness or take part in what happened tonight.

I'll stay off my knee. I promise. If it means I get to spend more time in bed with Aya.. then it's worth it.

~small smile~

I love you Aya... those pain pills are making me woozy.. so I'm going to sign off before I pass out...

Posted on 2003.07.05 at 09:46
Current Mood: soresore
Last night.. was... uhm... Breathtaking.

Remind me to deny my tickleishness again if that's what happens... ::chuckles quietly::

The past few days have been.. a blur, to say the least.

The other day, I found a folded piece of paper under the keyboard in my room. From Aya. When it said about where he might go if he disappeared, I went searching for him... and he wasn't there. So I grabbed Nagi and went to where it said he should be.. and sure enough.. he was there.

::frowns:: I kept trying to pull him away... to get him to go home.. and he kept talking.. acting odd. And then Schwarz showed up and tried to take Nagi... and then things just went to hell, I swear.

End result? I fucked up my knee... again. Aya wants me to stay off it to at least give it a chance to heal. So those crutches I got from that doctor's visit with Omi are coming in handy... ::sighs:: I hate being helpless, but I won't be any use to the team if I can't walk on my own. Anyways.

Yesterday was Aya's birthday... I spent most of the day with him, except for going out to get food when I realised that he hadn't eaten since we got back. ::sighs:: Have to take care of my kitten...

I gave him his birthday present yesterday as well. ::soft smile:: I think he liked it... and I thought he would find it cheesy. ::chuckles:: It wasn't anything.. elaborate... but if you want to know what it is, you'll have to ask him yourself ::winks::

So here's to today. At least we're still alive.

By the way... drinking buddy... You feel like going out for a couple tonight? I think we need to talk...

Posted on 2003.06.27 at 00:49
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: God Hurts Those He Loves - Koyasu Takehito
The threesome just became a duo...

I'm.. not sure how to take this. I.. really don't. I hate to say that it'll make things easier.. but it will. For all of us, I think... but it still hurts.

I guess what hurts the most is that... I find out about this through this thing... He didn't come and talk to me...


Itai... Never thought it would hurt like this.....


My tree type..

Posted on 2003.06.24 at 09:27
Current Mood: rushedrushed
Weeping Willow

Beautiful but full of melancholy
very empathic
loves anything beautiful and tasteful
loves to travel
can be influenced but is not easy to live with
good intuition
suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

Rather... interesting. Surprising how true these are....

~chuckles quietly at Aya's~


Of slight build
lots of charm
appeal and attraction
pleasant aura
always in love
wants to love and be loved
faithful and tender partner
very generous
scientific talents
lives for today
a carefree philosopher with imagination

I'm not sure about the flirtatiousness... but the rest of it is quite right...

~blink~ Wow.. Aya's and Ken's are the same! ~chuckles~ Maybe that's why I love them both? ~grins~

And... Omittchi...


Loves agreeable company
very robust
knows how to make life comfortable
very active
good companion
but seldom friendly
falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly
gives up easily
many disappointments till it finds its ideal

Again.. quite true.. and quite interesting.

I've got a lot to do today. The Seven's been acting up, so I have to take it to the mechanic to get it looked at. I'm not looking forward to the cost of repairs. I love my car, but it has expensive upkeep. So I'll be gone most of the day... Have a few other errands to do after that...

Ja na!


Posted on 2003.06.20 at 09:08
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: (South Park) - What Would Brian Boitano Do
I got to talk to Ken last night... Though I'm not sure 'talking' best describes what happened... more like him crying, me begging for forgiveness and apologising for being such an asshole to him.

I do love him... There's no doubt in my mind about that... and I want to be there for him... I promised him that I wouldn't run away again because now I know how much that hurts him.. ~sighs~ I hate hurting people I care about... I just thought that running away from him would hurt him less in the long-run...

I have.. plans.. for tonight.

Aya... meet me down the street on the corner... Don't bring anything with you... and wear comfortable clothes... ^_^ I'll be there around 7 to pick you up. ~smiles~

Got to get down and help open the shop. I have a lot to make up for down there... ^^;


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